I have to make a new budget

Why do I have to make a new budget you ask? Ohhhh I don't know... it's just the fact that I came to the realization that I just DON'T cook. Like not even a little bit. And I know I know. I have one friend out there that's saying "I told you this so long ago!" And maybe that's true but tonight. Tonight was the night that I just came to terms it's not gonna happen. Ever.

Cooking in the midwest used to be fun because

1. Groceries are cheap
2. Kitchens have enough counter space that I'm fairly certain you could cook 18 meals and still have room for one more cutting board
3. I used to have roommates that I could talk to while I wasted my precious night hours on a meal I would finish eating in 15 minutes
4. I had nothing better to do

BUT NOW. Now I have to wait in line to even get INTO the grocery stores. (Don't make me post the Trader Joe's link again) Then I weasel my way through the store to find out I really don't want to buy anything because it either involves cooking in a kitchen I don't really have or it's too gaddamn expensive.

So I mean that's it. I'm handing in my metaphorical apron. This blog could take a severe turn because I'm pretty sure there's that saying about how the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. So if that's the case this blog is gonna get real sparse real soon. Plan B is to change this blog into how I can eat out for cheaper than cooking in the city. SO DON'T STEAL MY IDEA. It's documented. Right here. Basically like a copyright.


Also... don't believe me about my kitchen? Welp. Here it is.

When Grocery Stores Turn Hostile

Dun dun duuuuun. Here's a little bedtime story for you. Settle in kiddos

I had to go to Trader Joe's tonight. THE DREADED TRADER JOE'S. If you don't know why it's such a terrifying experience, check out this Buzzfeed link ... this is my life.

Alright so now you have the scene. Picture me in one of those labyrinth lines. I've rounded the produce section, made it down the granola bar aisle, past the samples and there I am in the home stretch. I can see the checkout "counters." Just as I'm getting a lil pep in my step I hear quite the commotion. Naturally, I turn around to see what's going on because I'M NOSEY LIKE THAT. About 10 feet behind me two women are having a screaming match. The woman in front was refusing to move her cart. The woman directly behind her was screaming at her to move.

This.
is.
epic.

The woman in front decides to take 1 step forward, closing the 10 ft gap by about... 6 inches. You assert that line power girlfrand. The woman behind her unsuccessfully calls over the "middle of the line" sign holder. This prompts the woman to stroll a few more feet. PROGRESS.

For some reason I'm the only one staring? I mean what else am I supposed to do in this line. This is free entertainment!

The women slowly crawl to the front of the line right to the guy who tells them which checkout counter to go to. Next thing I know the slow walking woman turns directly around and stares the other woman in the face. She then proceeds to say "AND DID YOU GET THERE ANY FASTER?? DID YOU??" My jaw hit the floor. Oh snaps we got some drama!! The other woman just starts shouting. Can't really remember what because I was laughing so hard. There was a fight. In a line. At the grocery store!! I love this!

I finally pay for my groceries and as I exit the store I see the slow moving shopper just WAITING outside for the other woman. I got so nervous slash excited that there was more to the story so I "pulled over" and watched for more drama. Unfortunately, the slow moving woman lost interest and left seconds before the other woman exited the store.

Can't wait for next week!