A different type of blog...

Well it's 4 am, and I'm wide awake. All day yesterday I kept thinking about the blog post I wanted to make but never got around to it because I was too busy napping. Sorry not sorry. So anyway... what better time than now to share my thoughts with everyone, and who knows what my thoughts at 4 am will bring.

Like I had alluded to before in my posts, I have a week between starting a new job at a great company and I'm so excited. I have to admit I started out the week with high anxiety. There are so many unknowns and I'm leaving behind a career and reputation that I built up for the past 5 years that I won't be able to fall back on. Some may call me quite the little risk taker.... ;) but anywho. This isn't a blog about bros or beer but it's about what I've learned in the last 5 days or so.

I have had the amazing opportunity to do anything my heart desires every day when I wake up and it has been amazing. I started to feel like myself again. Call me cheesey... I don't really care but it's true. It's the most liberating feeling to wake up every day and do whatever sounds most fun. I get it. People can't go through life without a job and waking up to do whatever they want, but if you ever get the chance to not have any responsibilities... TAKE IT. I've not laughed so hard in so long. Lingered. Wandered. Rambled aimlessly to myself. Talked to strangers etc in the longest time. I'm truly happy and it feels great.

On Wednesday I decided to go into the city to meet up with a high school friend with full intentions to work on finding that trophy husband, but what happened was so much more meaningful and fun. My friend and I took on the city as our playground and reverted back to acting 18 again. Our first stop? Central Park. As we're laying out, belting out Pat Benatar and Fleetwood Mac songs I look over to my friend and say "... I have to do yoga in the park." Her response was not one of judgment. It was an instant "DOOO IT!!!" So we did some yoga. Laughed obnoxiously. Fell back in silence when I notice my friend is blowing on her hands with a piece of grass between her thumbs. She looks over to me and asks "How do you blow this?" My natural and completely innocent response.... "it has to be thick and long to blow." We laughed. We laughed so hard we cried.

After more karaoke-ing my friend looks to me and says that we need margaritas. I don't think twice about this. Of course we need margaritas. Who needs Cinco de Drinko when you can have Siete de Drinko?! Doesn't take us long to get to our margarita-serving establishment and ole!

Fast forward through much of the day of wondering around aimlessly and put us in another bar on the Upper West. Our conversation started with nothing else but crop tops which led to a heated debate about American Pop culture and how women are subjected to dress more scandalously. The bar tender approaches super cautiously and asks what we're debating and why. I kinda brush him off and look to my friend to quote our favorite Will Farell/Harry Carray clip "Mad cow disease... your thoughts?" Annnd we're back to roaring laughter. We ended our night laying on our stomachs in front of the tv watching SVU. Life was great.

Maybe you wanted to hear about my day with my friend. Maybe you didn't. But what that day taught me was that it's not worth it to sit around wondering what other people are thinking. I didn't think twice about what others around me were thinking. When I was with my friend, she had my attention and I was not worrying about what I was gonna do when I got home or who I was going to see the next day. I lived in the moment. I laughed in the moment. I spent at least the last year of my life beating myself up on pleasing others. Advancing my career. Networking. Searching for the perfect guy. Working out to have that in shape body. And don't get me wrong... these are important things to do and I won't stop doing them in the future, but I lost track of myself in doing these things. I forgot to take the "me" time. I forgot to let loose. I forgot to listen to what my body was telling me. I allowed myself to be judged by others and would beat myself up over those judgments.

I'm sure life stresses will creep back into my life and I will slip back into some of my old ways but I hope I can remember this week and what it has taught me. When you stop worrying about what others think and accept yourself for who you truly are, nothing but greatness can come from the situation. And if you're sitting there reading still and judging me for being too cliche or corny... I honestly just don't care. Because while you're busy having negative thoughts... I'm probably out having another hilarious adventure.