1. The flu...
2. strep...
3. fevers...
That's right. I went radio silent (minus the whiny, feel sorry for me Facebook updates) for an entire week because I got the flu. After 3 days of that misery, I thought I had weathered the storm but then actually got a swift kick in the behind again and got strep. Clearly Baby J is telling me He's not happy with me.
I wake up on day 5 and decide the time has come to call the doctor. Luckily I can get in to see my main man the same day but not before I go spread all sorts of germs around the office. (feel a bit bad about this now knowing I had strep). Problem is I was walking a fine line of looking like a faker by being out of the office for so many days and actually bringing germs to the office. It's just part of the internal struggle I deal with. #thestruggleisreal
When I arrive in the doctor's office I'm immediately diagnosed with strep without even having to do that terrible throat swabbing, gag reflexing type of test. Woohoo! Give me the drugs! Just when I expect to skew-daddle right on outta there the doc has a few questions for me.
Doc: does anybody you know have similar symptoms as you?
Me: yea, this guy I work with had the same exact thing that I had at the beginning of the week!
Doc: are you close with him?
Me: yea! I sit right next to him!
Doc: no... I mean are you cllllooooseee with him?
Me: haaaaa! oh... no. no i'm not close with him.
Doc: ah ok. usually you get strep from being...close... with somebody if you know what i mean
*internal thought: are we talking about the same thing here? I thought mono was the kissing disease. I also didn't think i'd be getting a mommy and daddy lecture about being careful who i'm "close" with. either way i do not care. just get me the antibiotics son!*
Me: ohhhh. yea i'm not sure then. I've been in the city a lot lately!
Doc: hmmm ok. not sure where you picked it up but let me write you a prescription
JACKPOT.
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Wednesday, December 17, 2014
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
Snapchat is for Lovers
Get it? I did a lil play off of that song Ohio is for Lovers. I can't say the lyrics relate to the post at all but it was a nice lil flashback to my emo days
Ohio is for Lovers
And here is a fun flashback pic from the emo days!
Ohio is for Lovers
And here is a fun flashback pic from the emo days!
Ok that was all fun but now back to the snapchat post. VALENTINE'S DAY BRO IS BACK! If you don't remember him.... go back to the February post to catch up. And if you're lazy like me, here are the cliff notes: met the bro on Short Girl's Club Valentine's Day Night Out in the City. Bro read dating 101 before the date and forced me into two of the most awkward goodbye's ever. Fizzled out over a text about Dallas Buyer's Club
SO! Now that we're caught up. He...added...me...on...snapchat... I did the math and it's almost been a year since we've talked, but naturally, the first form of communication we should have after that amount of time would be a snapchat add! Weird. Did I accept you ask? OF COURSE! This can only result in great blogging material. But knowing my luck, this will probably result in a full on relationship in which I will have to hide this blog from him forever and ever and pretend I thought it was adorable that he decided to reach out to me viiiaaa snaaaapchat. But then I will FINALLY get famous off this blog and he'll ask me what the blog was about and I'll have to tell him he was the main character of the blog. Yikes. This is escalating quickly. Better stop while I'm ahead.
Stay tuned kids. Stay...tuned...
Saturday, November 29, 2014
Forever Young
The title has nothing to do with this post, but it's the song I'm jamming to. So what if I use it as a lil pump up music every so often? Gotta keep the mind young and fresh ya know? For. For-ev-er young!
Alright. Anyway. Hi. My name is Ashley and I'm a townie regular. "Hiiiii Ashley" < that's what you all say. So it's official. It is officially official. I'm a regular, and the realization happened Wednesday night. That's right. The Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Let me take you to the beginning of the night.
It just so happens that my roommate and I both landed ourselves in town for the holidays with no where to go. I do not let the fact that I will be alone for Thanksgiving get to me. I simply state to my roommate that it's basically the best night of the year to go out (unless you're single and then the best night is Valentine's Day). She replies "so we should probably go out right?" To which I reply, "Yeaaaa. Probably." But really in my head I'm all like we're soooo gonna crash all these high school reunions and find ourselves some Westchestaaaah boys. Like das sit!
We mosey on down the strip to get some sushi because girl don't got game when she's hangry. Roll into the sushi joint. Bahhaha no pun intended. Refusing to delete that line because it got me laughing. Anyway back to rolling into the sushi joint. The hostess, the waiter, the manager all greet me as if I'm their #1 customer. Talk about service! One of the managers stops over and asks me where I have been. I tell him not to worry, we'll be back next week for the roommate's birthday. The roommate takes the opportunity to ask for a reservation. The manager then tells us that they don't make reservations but proceeds to ask us how many and what time. We give him the deets and low and behold... he puts our name down for a reso next week. Heyooooo. #regular
After drinking a couple of dranks, eating some sushi rolls, and witnessing somebody lighting her hair on fire (careful folks. This is a classy establishment and we don't use battery operated candles!), we move to the next joint to find our Westchesta fellas. The good thing about the next place? I have a 50 year old Irish bartender in love with me. If this were Tinder, I would definitely say he falls outside of my age requirements but he makes some good drinks so we'll stay friendly with the Irish bro.
My roommate and I enter the bar and uh oh... panic! There are no seats! So we do a lil walk around and all of a sudden I hear my name being shouted from across the bar. "Ashley! Don't pretend I didn't see you the moment you walked in! Don't ignore me!" Oh boy. My Irish bartender has found me. I'm not going to pass up this opportunity. I am a smart girl after all. "I'm not ignoring you! I'm trying to find a seat!" Cue the knight in shining armor music. He comes out from behind the bar. Makes a guy move his coats and gets us two seats at the bar. Before he goes I get a big ol' kiss on the cheek. Small price to pay for some prime real estate on THE BEST BAR NIGHT OF THE YEAR. My Irish bartender tells us that "Sweet Randy" will be taking care of us tonight. #regulars
We chat it up with "Sweet Randy," who has been a bartender on the strip for 10 years. He politely tells my roommate and I that he recognizes us. Doh! Can't win em all I guess. Fer sure sign that we're regulars.
The night proceeds. All par to the course really. Have a minor altercation with the bro who had to move his coat. Sorry not sorry bro! Not my fault the bartender would rather have us sitting at the bar than you. You'll be ok. We exit the bar relatively early because we had the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade the next morning! Sprint home. Quick Sleep. Parade. Parade. Parade. Annnnd scene.
Alright. Anyway. Hi. My name is Ashley and I'm a townie regular. "Hiiiii Ashley" < that's what you all say. So it's official. It is officially official. I'm a regular, and the realization happened Wednesday night. That's right. The Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Let me take you to the beginning of the night.
It just so happens that my roommate and I both landed ourselves in town for the holidays with no where to go. I do not let the fact that I will be alone for Thanksgiving get to me. I simply state to my roommate that it's basically the best night of the year to go out (unless you're single and then the best night is Valentine's Day). She replies "so we should probably go out right?" To which I reply, "Yeaaaa. Probably." But really in my head I'm all like we're soooo gonna crash all these high school reunions and find ourselves some Westchestaaaah boys. Like das sit!
We mosey on down the strip to get some sushi because girl don't got game when she's hangry. Roll into the sushi joint. Bahhaha no pun intended. Refusing to delete that line because it got me laughing. Anyway back to rolling into the sushi joint. The hostess, the waiter, the manager all greet me as if I'm their #1 customer. Talk about service! One of the managers stops over and asks me where I have been. I tell him not to worry, we'll be back next week for the roommate's birthday. The roommate takes the opportunity to ask for a reservation. The manager then tells us that they don't make reservations but proceeds to ask us how many and what time. We give him the deets and low and behold... he puts our name down for a reso next week. Heyooooo. #regular
After drinking a couple of dranks, eating some sushi rolls, and witnessing somebody lighting her hair on fire (careful folks. This is a classy establishment and we don't use battery operated candles!), we move to the next joint to find our Westchesta fellas. The good thing about the next place? I have a 50 year old Irish bartender in love with me. If this were Tinder, I would definitely say he falls outside of my age requirements but he makes some good drinks so we'll stay friendly with the Irish bro.
My roommate and I enter the bar and uh oh... panic! There are no seats! So we do a lil walk around and all of a sudden I hear my name being shouted from across the bar. "Ashley! Don't pretend I didn't see you the moment you walked in! Don't ignore me!" Oh boy. My Irish bartender has found me. I'm not going to pass up this opportunity. I am a smart girl after all. "I'm not ignoring you! I'm trying to find a seat!" Cue the knight in shining armor music. He comes out from behind the bar. Makes a guy move his coats and gets us two seats at the bar. Before he goes I get a big ol' kiss on the cheek. Small price to pay for some prime real estate on THE BEST BAR NIGHT OF THE YEAR. My Irish bartender tells us that "Sweet Randy" will be taking care of us tonight. #regulars
We chat it up with "Sweet Randy," who has been a bartender on the strip for 10 years. He politely tells my roommate and I that he recognizes us. Doh! Can't win em all I guess. Fer sure sign that we're regulars.
The night proceeds. All par to the course really. Have a minor altercation with the bro who had to move his coat. Sorry not sorry bro! Not my fault the bartender would rather have us sitting at the bar than you. You'll be ok. We exit the bar relatively early because we had the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade the next morning! Sprint home. Quick Sleep. Parade. Parade. Parade. Annnnd scene.
Monday, October 13, 2014
Beer Spilling Bros
Whoa. It's like the perfect storm, and when it happened.... I knew I had to revive the blog. Don't die on me now blog, things are just starting to get good!
Once upon a time, 24 hours ago, I decided to celebrate good ol' Oktoberfest. oi oi oi! The culmination of beers and bros in a 1 block span. Count me in! I wake up fully rested, bee-bop over to the gym, and get all dolled up for a lovely fall day celebration. My roommate and I exit the building and casually stroll down to the festivities (can't be too eager. gotta play it cool)
As we arrive, there are bros EVERYWHERE. Must scope out prospects. Time for a walk. As I'm squeezing my way through a crowd, it happens. No. Not what you think happened. But a bro... spilled beer on me. I may or may not have yelled a profanity and tried my best to fake a new york accent and call him a jerk off. In comes knight in shining armor to save the day. "He's not a jerk off. He's my brother and I'm sure he didn't mean to do that." Yikerinos. Gotta get outta here! As I keep on my mission, my roommate says "Aw! He wanted to talk to you!" Then there's me all like "Uh yea but he's 12... let's keep moving." #goaloriented
So we move and I turn around. And there they are again! Beer spilling bro and his brother! They, of course, want to chat. I try for a hot second or two but we discover the age gap is give or take 5 years. Next please.
A few beers and a couple bars later, Beer Spilling Bro's brother shows up again. "HEY! MY BROTHER SPILLED BEER ON YOU!" "yes..." And then it happens. He pulls me in and gives me a big ol' kiss on the cheek. He's not done there. He grabs my roommate and does the same thing. In my head I'm sitting here thinking... is this how kids are making friends these days? I guess I'm just not in on the social norms these days.
Also... unrelated to bros or beer... but apparently New York thinks that EDM is the kind of music played at Oktoberfest. Nah, it's cool NY. I want to teach the future leaders of America that untz untz untzing is a sure way to show that we're super cultured.
Once upon a time, 24 hours ago, I decided to celebrate good ol' Oktoberfest. oi oi oi! The culmination of beers and bros in a 1 block span. Count me in! I wake up fully rested, bee-bop over to the gym, and get all dolled up for a lovely fall day celebration. My roommate and I exit the building and casually stroll down to the festivities (can't be too eager. gotta play it cool)
As we arrive, there are bros EVERYWHERE. Must scope out prospects. Time for a walk. As I'm squeezing my way through a crowd, it happens. No. Not what you think happened. But a bro... spilled beer on me. I may or may not have yelled a profanity and tried my best to fake a new york accent and call him a jerk off. In comes knight in shining armor to save the day. "He's not a jerk off. He's my brother and I'm sure he didn't mean to do that." Yikerinos. Gotta get outta here! As I keep on my mission, my roommate says "Aw! He wanted to talk to you!" Then there's me all like "Uh yea but he's 12... let's keep moving." #goaloriented
So we move and I turn around. And there they are again! Beer spilling bro and his brother! They, of course, want to chat. I try for a hot second or two but we discover the age gap is give or take 5 years. Next please.
A few beers and a couple bars later, Beer Spilling Bro's brother shows up again. "HEY! MY BROTHER SPILLED BEER ON YOU!" "yes..." And then it happens. He pulls me in and gives me a big ol' kiss on the cheek. He's not done there. He grabs my roommate and does the same thing. In my head I'm sitting here thinking... is this how kids are making friends these days? I guess I'm just not in on the social norms these days.
Also... unrelated to bros or beer... but apparently New York thinks that EDM is the kind of music played at Oktoberfest. Nah, it's cool NY. I want to teach the future leaders of America that untz untz untzing is a sure way to show that we're super cultured.
Friday, May 9, 2014
A different type of blog...
Well it's 4 am, and I'm wide awake. All day yesterday I kept thinking about the blog post I wanted to make but never got around to it because I was too busy napping. Sorry not sorry. So anyway... what better time than now to share my thoughts with everyone, and who knows what my thoughts at 4 am will bring.
Like I had alluded to before in my posts, I have a week between starting a new job at a great company and I'm so excited. I have to admit I started out the week with high anxiety. There are so many unknowns and I'm leaving behind a career and reputation that I built up for the past 5 years that I won't be able to fall back on. Some may call me quite the little risk taker.... ;) but anywho. This isn't a blog about bros or beer but it's about what I've learned in the last 5 days or so.
I have had the amazing opportunity to do anything my heart desires every day when I wake up and it has been amazing. I started to feel like myself again. Call me cheesey... I don't really care but it's true. It's the most liberating feeling to wake up every day and do whatever sounds most fun. I get it. People can't go through life without a job and waking up to do whatever they want, but if you ever get the chance to not have any responsibilities... TAKE IT. I've not laughed so hard in so long. Lingered. Wandered. Rambled aimlessly to myself. Talked to strangers etc in the longest time. I'm truly happy and it feels great.
On Wednesday I decided to go into the city to meet up with a high school friend with full intentions to work on finding that trophy husband, but what happened was so much more meaningful and fun. My friend and I took on the city as our playground and reverted back to acting 18 again. Our first stop? Central Park. As we're laying out, belting out Pat Benatar and Fleetwood Mac songs I look over to my friend and say "... I have to do yoga in the park." Her response was not one of judgment. It was an instant "DOOO IT!!!" So we did some yoga. Laughed obnoxiously. Fell back in silence when I notice my friend is blowing on her hands with a piece of grass between her thumbs. She looks over to me and asks "How do you blow this?" My natural and completely innocent response.... "it has to be thick and long to blow." We laughed. We laughed so hard we cried.
After more karaoke-ing my friend looks to me and says that we need margaritas. I don't think twice about this. Of course we need margaritas. Who needs Cinco de Drinko when you can have Siete de Drinko?! Doesn't take us long to get to our margarita-serving establishment and ole!
Fast forward through much of the day of wondering around aimlessly and put us in another bar on the Upper West. Our conversation started with nothing else but crop tops which led to a heated debate about American Pop culture and how women are subjected to dress more scandalously. The bar tender approaches super cautiously and asks what we're debating and why. I kinda brush him off and look to my friend to quote our favorite Will Farell/Harry Carray clip "Mad cow disease... your thoughts?" Annnd we're back to roaring laughter. We ended our night laying on our stomachs in front of the tv watching SVU. Life was great.
Maybe you wanted to hear about my day with my friend. Maybe you didn't. But what that day taught me was that it's not worth it to sit around wondering what other people are thinking. I didn't think twice about what others around me were thinking. When I was with my friend, she had my attention and I was not worrying about what I was gonna do when I got home or who I was going to see the next day. I lived in the moment. I laughed in the moment. I spent at least the last year of my life beating myself up on pleasing others. Advancing my career. Networking. Searching for the perfect guy. Working out to have that in shape body. And don't get me wrong... these are important things to do and I won't stop doing them in the future, but I lost track of myself in doing these things. I forgot to take the "me" time. I forgot to let loose. I forgot to listen to what my body was telling me. I allowed myself to be judged by others and would beat myself up over those judgments.
I'm sure life stresses will creep back into my life and I will slip back into some of my old ways but I hope I can remember this week and what it has taught me. When you stop worrying about what others think and accept yourself for who you truly are, nothing but greatness can come from the situation. And if you're sitting there reading still and judging me for being too cliche or corny... I honestly just don't care. Because while you're busy having negative thoughts... I'm probably out having another hilarious adventure.
Like I had alluded to before in my posts, I have a week between starting a new job at a great company and I'm so excited. I have to admit I started out the week with high anxiety. There are so many unknowns and I'm leaving behind a career and reputation that I built up for the past 5 years that I won't be able to fall back on. Some may call me quite the little risk taker.... ;) but anywho. This isn't a blog about bros or beer but it's about what I've learned in the last 5 days or so.
I have had the amazing opportunity to do anything my heart desires every day when I wake up and it has been amazing. I started to feel like myself again. Call me cheesey... I don't really care but it's true. It's the most liberating feeling to wake up every day and do whatever sounds most fun. I get it. People can't go through life without a job and waking up to do whatever they want, but if you ever get the chance to not have any responsibilities... TAKE IT. I've not laughed so hard in so long. Lingered. Wandered. Rambled aimlessly to myself. Talked to strangers etc in the longest time. I'm truly happy and it feels great.
On Wednesday I decided to go into the city to meet up with a high school friend with full intentions to work on finding that trophy husband, but what happened was so much more meaningful and fun. My friend and I took on the city as our playground and reverted back to acting 18 again. Our first stop? Central Park. As we're laying out, belting out Pat Benatar and Fleetwood Mac songs I look over to my friend and say "... I have to do yoga in the park." Her response was not one of judgment. It was an instant "DOOO IT!!!" So we did some yoga. Laughed obnoxiously. Fell back in silence when I notice my friend is blowing on her hands with a piece of grass between her thumbs. She looks over to me and asks "How do you blow this?" My natural and completely innocent response.... "it has to be thick and long to blow." We laughed. We laughed so hard we cried.
After more karaoke-ing my friend looks to me and says that we need margaritas. I don't think twice about this. Of course we need margaritas. Who needs Cinco de Drinko when you can have Siete de Drinko?! Doesn't take us long to get to our margarita-serving establishment and ole!
Fast forward through much of the day of wondering around aimlessly and put us in another bar on the Upper West. Our conversation started with nothing else but crop tops which led to a heated debate about American Pop culture and how women are subjected to dress more scandalously. The bar tender approaches super cautiously and asks what we're debating and why. I kinda brush him off and look to my friend to quote our favorite Will Farell/Harry Carray clip "Mad cow disease... your thoughts?" Annnd we're back to roaring laughter. We ended our night laying on our stomachs in front of the tv watching SVU. Life was great.
Maybe you wanted to hear about my day with my friend. Maybe you didn't. But what that day taught me was that it's not worth it to sit around wondering what other people are thinking. I didn't think twice about what others around me were thinking. When I was with my friend, she had my attention and I was not worrying about what I was gonna do when I got home or who I was going to see the next day. I lived in the moment. I laughed in the moment. I spent at least the last year of my life beating myself up on pleasing others. Advancing my career. Networking. Searching for the perfect guy. Working out to have that in shape body. And don't get me wrong... these are important things to do and I won't stop doing them in the future, but I lost track of myself in doing these things. I forgot to take the "me" time. I forgot to let loose. I forgot to listen to what my body was telling me. I allowed myself to be judged by others and would beat myself up over those judgments.
I'm sure life stresses will creep back into my life and I will slip back into some of my old ways but I hope I can remember this week and what it has taught me. When you stop worrying about what others think and accept yourself for who you truly are, nothing but greatness can come from the situation. And if you're sitting there reading still and judging me for being too cliche or corny... I honestly just don't care. Because while you're busy having negative thoughts... I'm probably out having another hilarious adventure.
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Day 2 ...
'Twas an unsuccessful day. Mostly because I forgot the purpose of my limited and numbered days to complete the goal but also because I was not on top of my game. Failure 1: did not get cute for the gym yet saaaaw cut boys at the gym. Woops. Failure 2: spent more time staring at clothes, shoes, accessories than anything (or anybody) else. Failure 3: When cat called on my way home which started with a "oh hey home guuurl" I did not respond. OH WAIT. That was my smart girl brain kicking in. Stranger danger! Stranger danger!
Success story of the night? Got to hang out with a prettttty neat group of dashing men and faaabulous gals for a highly competitive game of trivia.
We shall see what tomorrow brings but I have to admit... having a goal to accomplish on your week off is quite exhausting and I feel like I'm losing interest quite quickly!
Success story of the night? Got to hang out with a prettttty neat group of dashing men and faaabulous gals for a highly competitive game of trivia.
We shall see what tomorrow brings but I have to admit... having a goal to accomplish on your week off is quite exhausting and I feel like I'm losing interest quite quickly!
Monday, May 5, 2014
Trophy Husband Hunting ... Day 1
Well kids. Here I am with one week completely free in between jobs. With the realization that being a trophy wife hasn't transpired for me, I decided to find myself a trophy husband. That's right. Just find me somebody pretty to look at. That's all I ask.
With that said... here I am on day 1 just sitting in my apartment after a very unsuccessful morning. I woke up (past 8 am!!), enjoyed my morning coffee, and then got ready for the gym. Yup... I got ready for the gym. After spending a month at this fancy gym and seeing how all the other ladies dress, I decided that I was a total scrub and was fer sure not gonna find me a gentleman caller at the gym. So anywho I got all did up and drive myself over to my fancy lil gym.
I has arrived! Everyone come see how good I look! *crickets* Walk up the stairs and see trainer #1 who I actually have no idea who he is but he's seen me out and about and has decided we're best friends. I give him a lil bro handshake and we make some small talk and I carry on my way, scanning the gym for potential prospects when all of a sudden I see him. My butt touching personal trainer. Noooooooo. Avoid avoid avoid. I find myself a treadmill away from the BTPT (butt touching personal trainer) when I see a figure approaching. *please don't be him. please don't be him. doh. it's him* He says some things and then asks me if we've scheduled more sessions in which I make up some lame excuse as to why I'm definitely NOT scheduling more time with him. He lingers a bit longer then leaves me alone. Whew. Ok. So... I am getting in the groove of my work out and remember the reason why I'm here. Trophy husband hunting! Scan the room again annnnd ... nothing. The gym is filled with women. Ahhh fudge. I'm now just working out with the rich housewives who've been successful at becoming a trophy wife. I give up on my search and finish up my workout.
Perhaps day 2 of trophy husband hunting will be more successful. If not.... at least I'll be spending my monies shopping :)
With that said... here I am on day 1 just sitting in my apartment after a very unsuccessful morning. I woke up (past 8 am!!), enjoyed my morning coffee, and then got ready for the gym. Yup... I got ready for the gym. After spending a month at this fancy gym and seeing how all the other ladies dress, I decided that I was a total scrub and was fer sure not gonna find me a gentleman caller at the gym. So anywho I got all did up and drive myself over to my fancy lil gym.
I has arrived! Everyone come see how good I look! *crickets* Walk up the stairs and see trainer #1 who I actually have no idea who he is but he's seen me out and about and has decided we're best friends. I give him a lil bro handshake and we make some small talk and I carry on my way, scanning the gym for potential prospects when all of a sudden I see him. My butt touching personal trainer. Noooooooo. Avoid avoid avoid. I find myself a treadmill away from the BTPT (butt touching personal trainer) when I see a figure approaching. *please don't be him. please don't be him. doh. it's him* He says some things and then asks me if we've scheduled more sessions in which I make up some lame excuse as to why I'm definitely NOT scheduling more time with him. He lingers a bit longer then leaves me alone. Whew. Ok. So... I am getting in the groove of my work out and remember the reason why I'm here. Trophy husband hunting! Scan the room again annnnd ... nothing. The gym is filled with women. Ahhh fudge. I'm now just working out with the rich housewives who've been successful at becoming a trophy wife. I give up on my search and finish up my workout.
Perhaps day 2 of trophy husband hunting will be more successful. If not.... at least I'll be spending my monies shopping :)
Sunday, April 6, 2014
Valentine's Day Isn't Just for Couples
Heyoooo!! It is me. Back in action. I have to admit that part of the reason why I haven't blogged lately is because I haven't had a ton of bro run ins and the other part is because I've managed to keep myself entertained with all sorts of other things that don't involve me sitting in front of a laptop with a glass of wine and rambling on about my life happenings. But here I am ... in front of my laptop with a glass of wine and can't think of anything better to do than blog about my Valentine's Day. Soooo here it goes.
Months before Vday (and by months I probably mean 1 month) I tell the short girls club that we will be heading to NYC for a lil single gals outing. I mean how perfect is this? Valentine's day was a Friday... and if you're out solo on Vday... you're obviously single so it takes all the guessing out of it. PERFECT.
We find ourselves in a cute lil speakeasy in the city filled with nothing but couples but I don't mind. Hangin out with the gal pals is extremely entertaining. But of course after we break the bank on a couple drinks there, we head across the street to a more casual Irish bar. We perch at the bar and continue our usual girl chat when all of a sudden a bro approaches us. My friends conveniently leave to go to the bathroom and I'm left to talk to this New Yawk bro. #girlcodefail Some time in the night we discover the bro is from Long Island and he also agreed to go to Staten Island with me to find the Mob Wives so I'm obviously thinking this guy's a winner. Don't leave the bar without exchanging numbers. Win.
Fast forward through Sunday Funday margaritas slash gettin cray in an empty bar with the short girls club and I find myself with a text from Vday bro. Turns out he's in love. Must have been cupid cuz I'm not sure I was really on my A-game talkin about Mob Wives and all but it's fine. I agree to meet up with him for drinks.
The following Thursday I rush out of work to obviously have a pre-date drink with the gals. Main concern: what does Vday bro look like. After the drink I make my way to the tapas restaurant to meet up with the bro. When I arrive, he already has the table. Stands up to greet me. Tells me how amazing I look (as if I needed confirmation ;) ) Wonderful this bro seems like a real stand up guy.
As the date goes on I realize how much this just is nooot going to work but I carry on and think this is fine. I can get to my car and go home. Oh no. He wants to walk me to my car. Like what is this? Did this bro read first dates 101? Then we get to my car for the MOST awkward goodbye ever in which I ask him if he would like a ride to the train station in which he says no at first. Thank goodness. But oh wait! No he changes his mind. AHHHH. We already said goodbye. This is quite unfortunate. So I tell him to get in the car (supes cute I know) and I drive him to the train. Can you guess? Yup... another awkward goodbye. Like no. Can you just leave? I'm done talking with you. Get.out.of.the.car. Then his paternal instincts apparently kicks in and he tells me to text him when I get home so he knows I'm safe. BRO. I knooow in theory that's cute but like. This is not going well. I do not want to text you. On the ride home I softened up a bit and realized he MUST have just read First Dates 101 and he really waas a nice guy so I should give him the courtesy of texting him when I get home.
Bad. ... idea.
He's clearly in love. Again... I blame cupid.
Next day rolls around and I get a message "you inspired me to go home and have dinner with my parents."
...Wut... I mean ... clearly I'm not a romantic because I laughed when he said this. Is this what really happens? Perhaps I've been out of the game too long? I don't know. I'm confused. After one date I'm just not sure I can inspire anybody to do anything more than laugh a bit more and go rage every now and again.
I wish I could tell more entertaining stories about Vday bro but there really aren't any. Everything fizzled out over a text about Dallas Buyers Club... wild.
Annnd because #selfie is my favorite song... here you go. You're welcome.
Months before Vday (and by months I probably mean 1 month) I tell the short girls club that we will be heading to NYC for a lil single gals outing. I mean how perfect is this? Valentine's day was a Friday... and if you're out solo on Vday... you're obviously single so it takes all the guessing out of it. PERFECT.
We find ourselves in a cute lil speakeasy in the city filled with nothing but couples but I don't mind. Hangin out with the gal pals is extremely entertaining. But of course after we break the bank on a couple drinks there, we head across the street to a more casual Irish bar. We perch at the bar and continue our usual girl chat when all of a sudden a bro approaches us. My friends conveniently leave to go to the bathroom and I'm left to talk to this New Yawk bro. #girlcodefail Some time in the night we discover the bro is from Long Island and he also agreed to go to Staten Island with me to find the Mob Wives so I'm obviously thinking this guy's a winner. Don't leave the bar without exchanging numbers. Win.
Fast forward through Sunday Funday margaritas slash gettin cray in an empty bar with the short girls club and I find myself with a text from Vday bro. Turns out he's in love. Must have been cupid cuz I'm not sure I was really on my A-game talkin about Mob Wives and all but it's fine. I agree to meet up with him for drinks.
The following Thursday I rush out of work to obviously have a pre-date drink with the gals. Main concern: what does Vday bro look like. After the drink I make my way to the tapas restaurant to meet up with the bro. When I arrive, he already has the table. Stands up to greet me. Tells me how amazing I look (as if I needed confirmation ;) ) Wonderful this bro seems like a real stand up guy.
As the date goes on I realize how much this just is nooot going to work but I carry on and think this is fine. I can get to my car and go home. Oh no. He wants to walk me to my car. Like what is this? Did this bro read first dates 101? Then we get to my car for the MOST awkward goodbye ever in which I ask him if he would like a ride to the train station in which he says no at first. Thank goodness. But oh wait! No he changes his mind. AHHHH. We already said goodbye. This is quite unfortunate. So I tell him to get in the car (supes cute I know) and I drive him to the train. Can you guess? Yup... another awkward goodbye. Like no. Can you just leave? I'm done talking with you. Get.out.of.the.car. Then his paternal instincts apparently kicks in and he tells me to text him when I get home so he knows I'm safe. BRO. I knooow in theory that's cute but like. This is not going well. I do not want to text you. On the ride home I softened up a bit and realized he MUST have just read First Dates 101 and he really waas a nice guy so I should give him the courtesy of texting him when I get home.
Bad. ... idea.
He's clearly in love. Again... I blame cupid.
Next day rolls around and I get a message "you inspired me to go home and have dinner with my parents."
...Wut... I mean ... clearly I'm not a romantic because I laughed when he said this. Is this what really happens? Perhaps I've been out of the game too long? I don't know. I'm confused. After one date I'm just not sure I can inspire anybody to do anything more than laugh a bit more and go rage every now and again.
I wish I could tell more entertaining stories about Vday bro but there really aren't any. Everything fizzled out over a text about Dallas Buyers Club... wild.
Annnd because #selfie is my favorite song... here you go. You're welcome.
Sunday, January 19, 2014
It's Going Down... I'm Yellin Tinder
Oh hey girl hey! I recently discovered Tinder (which so conveniently works with one of my fave Ke$sha songs right now) but I haven't actually taken the plunge myself. The app was described to me as HotOrNot.com meshed with facebook meshed with match.com... sans $60 member fee. Perfect. I can be shallow enough for this app. Only problem is that it uses your facebook profile picture and I just changed my picture to my friend and me so I need to get one by myself... buuuut I just changed my pic like a few days ago and can't possibly be bothered to change it so quickly. Plus I can't have people thinking I'm narcissistic or something. Ahhh first world problems
So anywho. I need to rewind the timeline to about a week ago when I went to Trivia at my favorite little watering hole down the road. Theme of the night: Martin Luther King Jr. Tricky thing about this theme is that it has nothing to do with the man. Every question had to do with a Martin, a Luther, a King, or a Junior.... Cruel lil change up they did on us there. Whatever. I'm more concerned about our team name. As my friends and I dwell on a team name for what must be all of 30 seconds, we decide to go with Single and Ready to Mingle. If that doesn't come across as desperate I'm not sure what else would.
So there we were... 3 classy broads just eatin some dinner. Drinkin some adult bevvies. Waiting to play trivia when along comes the trivia helper outer. He collects our paper with our team name and states "Single and Ready to Mingle. Huh... being single is over-rated." This guy has clearly not met me before because my reaction is instant sass. "Oh I'm sorry. It's not like I have a lot of choice in the matter." So then this bro decides to dig his hole even deeper with saying "Yea being single is awful and it's way too expensive. Because then you have to go out all the time and like look for someone." To which my friend responds "You don't HAVE to go out."
We think the conversation is done as there is a massive lull in the conversation but oh no! THIS guy decides to keep going. "Have you ever tried online dating? I was single for 25 years and thank God I had met my girlfriend because I was just about to sign up." Wait I'm sorry. Was he trying to promote online dating? All I know is I'm oddly aware of my single status and fuming at this guy who isn't even good looking (shallow comment of the blog). So we finally shoo the bro away telling him he dug his hole too deep and there's no way to recover.
Fast forward through the shit talking and rounds of missed trivia questions and we arrive at the mid-game announcing of the scores. The DJ man reads out a team name and says ohhh geeze. They're really struggling tonight. This is so sad. Such and such a team has 500 points. Then he proceeds to the next team name "Single and Ready to Mingle... 300 points..." Oh my goodness. As if my night could not get any worse, we now have the lowest score in the bar. Single and not so wordly. Date us!
Trivia helper outer man suddenly returns. Looks me dead in the eyes and says "Just want to let you know... there's a couple on the other side of the bar in their 40s and they just met on Match." So I naturally respond "I DON'T CARE! GO AWAY!" #Mature
The game continues and thanks to our friend we ended up getting 9th place out of 17. We may not have changed our single status by the end of the night but we sure did prove our smarts ... or at least our friend made us look smart. But it's fine. I got one answer correct and it was about the liver. If there's one organ I know and love... it's my liver.
So anywho. I need to rewind the timeline to about a week ago when I went to Trivia at my favorite little watering hole down the road. Theme of the night: Martin Luther King Jr. Tricky thing about this theme is that it has nothing to do with the man. Every question had to do with a Martin, a Luther, a King, or a Junior.... Cruel lil change up they did on us there. Whatever. I'm more concerned about our team name. As my friends and I dwell on a team name for what must be all of 30 seconds, we decide to go with Single and Ready to Mingle. If that doesn't come across as desperate I'm not sure what else would.
So there we were... 3 classy broads just eatin some dinner. Drinkin some adult bevvies. Waiting to play trivia when along comes the trivia helper outer. He collects our paper with our team name and states "Single and Ready to Mingle. Huh... being single is over-rated." This guy has clearly not met me before because my reaction is instant sass. "Oh I'm sorry. It's not like I have a lot of choice in the matter." So then this bro decides to dig his hole even deeper with saying "Yea being single is awful and it's way too expensive. Because then you have to go out all the time and like look for someone." To which my friend responds "You don't HAVE to go out."
We think the conversation is done as there is a massive lull in the conversation but oh no! THIS guy decides to keep going. "Have you ever tried online dating? I was single for 25 years and thank God I had met my girlfriend because I was just about to sign up." Wait I'm sorry. Was he trying to promote online dating? All I know is I'm oddly aware of my single status and fuming at this guy who isn't even good looking (shallow comment of the blog). So we finally shoo the bro away telling him he dug his hole too deep and there's no way to recover.
Fast forward through the shit talking and rounds of missed trivia questions and we arrive at the mid-game announcing of the scores. The DJ man reads out a team name and says ohhh geeze. They're really struggling tonight. This is so sad. Such and such a team has 500 points. Then he proceeds to the next team name "Single and Ready to Mingle... 300 points..." Oh my goodness. As if my night could not get any worse, we now have the lowest score in the bar. Single and not so wordly. Date us!
Trivia helper outer man suddenly returns. Looks me dead in the eyes and says "Just want to let you know... there's a couple on the other side of the bar in their 40s and they just met on Match." So I naturally respond "I DON'T CARE! GO AWAY!" #Mature
The game continues and thanks to our friend we ended up getting 9th place out of 17. We may not have changed our single status by the end of the night but we sure did prove our smarts ... or at least our friend made us look smart. But it's fine. I got one answer correct and it was about the liver. If there's one organ I know and love... it's my liver.
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