Posts
Months before Vday (and by months I probably mean 1 month) I tell the short girls club that we will be heading to NYC for a lil single gals outing. I mean how perfect is this? Valentine's day was a Friday... and if you're out solo on Vday... you're obviously single so it takes all the guessing out of it. PERFECT.
We find ourselves in a cute lil speakeasy in the city filled with nothing but couples but I don't mind. Hangin out with the gal pals is extremely entertaining. But of course after we break the bank on a couple drinks there, we head across the street to a more casual Irish bar. We perch at the bar and continue our usual girl chat when all of a sudden a bro approaches us. My friends conveniently leave to go to the bathroom and I'm left to talk to this New Yawk bro. #girlcodefail Some time in the night we discover the bro is from Long Island and he also agreed to go to Staten Island with me to find the Mob Wives so I'm obviously thinking this guy's a winner. Don't leave the bar without exchanging numbers. Win.
Fast forward through Sunday Funday margaritas slash gettin cray in an empty bar with the short girls club and I find myself with a text from Vday bro. Turns out he's in love. Must have been cupid cuz I'm not sure I was really on my A-game talkin about Mob Wives and all but it's fine. I agree to meet up with him for drinks.
The following Thursday I rush out of work to obviously have a pre-date drink with the gals. Main concern: what does Vday bro look like. After the drink I make my way to the tapas restaurant to meet up with the bro. When I arrive, he already has the table. Stands up to greet me. Tells me how amazing I look (as if I needed confirmation ;) ) Wonderful this bro seems like a real stand up guy.
As the date goes on I realize how much this just is nooot going to work but I carry on and think this is fine. I can get to my car and go home. Oh no. He wants to walk me to my car. Like what is this? Did this bro read first dates 101? Then we get to my car for the MOST awkward goodbye ever in which I ask him if he would like a ride to the train station in which he says no at first. Thank goodness. But oh wait! No he changes his mind. AHHHH. We already said goodbye. This is quite unfortunate. So I tell him to get in the car (supes cute I know) and I drive him to the train. Can you guess? Yup... another awkward goodbye. Like no. Can you just leave? I'm done talking with you. Get.out.of.the.car. Then his paternal instincts apparently kicks in and he tells me to text him when I get home so he knows I'm safe. BRO. I knooow in theory that's cute but like. This is not going well. I do not want to text you. On the ride home I softened up a bit and realized he MUST have just read First Dates 101 and he really waas a nice guy so I should give him the courtesy of texting him when I get home.
Bad. ... idea.
He's clearly in love. Again... I blame cupid.
Next day rolls around and I get a message "you inspired me to go home and have dinner with my parents."
...Wut... I mean ... clearly I'm not a romantic because I laughed when he said this. Is this what really happens? Perhaps I've been out of the game too long? I don't know. I'm confused. After one date I'm just not sure I can inspire anybody to do anything more than laugh a bit more and go rage every now and again.
I wish I could tell more entertaining stories about Vday bro but there really aren't any. Everything fizzled out over a text about Dallas Buyers Club... wild.
Annnd because #selfie is my favorite song... here you go. You're welcome.
